Emotional regulation

Letting Go

Letting go is the process of resolving stored emotions within the body, so that they can flow freely. It is the process of allowing the emotion to be and stop resisting feeling it. What you resist persists. In our opinion, it is the single most useful tool to add to your Wellbeing arsenal. It can provide results remarkably quickly. It is a form of meditation and uses the power of our attention and acceptance.

Breathwork

Breathwork is the process of using breathing to control and regulate our emotions. Often, when we are triggered or stressed, we unconsciously take shallow breaths from our chest. Our sympathetic nervous system becomes active and our brain goes into fight or flight mode. Breathwork can help by switching our nervous system from sympathetic to parasympathetic. This is the same system that we use to ‘rest and digest’. I.e. when we are safe from danger. The reason this works is because our brains go into high alert, when really there is no physical danger. It is all perceived dangers, through the filter of our mind. By using breathwork, we are simply re-engaging the mind and body to go back into a calm, regulated state.

Letting Go

To let go fully, these are the steps in the process:

1. Tune in to your body

Sit down and calm the mind by starting with some breathing. Inhale for 4 seconds through the nose, hold for 6 seconds, and exhale through the mouth for 8 seconds. Continue this in cycles. Each time you exhale, bring your attention down from your head/mind, down the spine, right down to the base of the spine. Continue until your attention is gently resting in the base of your spine. If your thoughts get in the way, or distract you, gently bring your attention back to the base of your spine.

2. Visualise your trigger

Vividly picture your triggering moment in your mind. Maybe it was earlier that day, maybe it was 20 years ago. Whatever the case, bring it to the forefront of your mind, and really try to maximise the feelings you experience.

3. Notice the emotion

Notice where in your body you feel this emotion. If there are many different emotions, start with the strongest, most obvious one. If it’s in several places at once, go with the most obvious location first. Take your attention to this place. Rate the emotion from 1 to 10. With 10 being the strongest possible feeling and 1 being very little feeling.

4. Feel the emotion:

(Now, for the ‘tricky’ bit. Most of us hate feeling negative emotions. We have learnt that they are ‘bad’ and we should run away from them. Paradoxically, to fully let go of a negative emotion, you have to fully let yourself experience it in its entirety. Only then, will it truly go away.)

Let yourself fully experience this emotion. Let it wash over you. Imagine that you ‘want’ to experience it. Our goal is to fully accept and feel this emotion. Nothing more. We are not ‘trying to let go’ of it, we are not ‘trying to get rid’ of it. We are simply allowing the emotion to be, exactly as it is. We are welcoming it, embracing it, and feeling it.

If your mind gets distracted with thoughts of images, that is okay. As soon as you realise, bring your attention back to the emotion itself, and continue feeling. The mind wants to think, but it does not help in this case. Stick with the emotion.

5. Allow it to be

Continue feeling the emotion and you should notice the emotion decrease on the scale from 1 to 10. As it decreases, be careful not to get attached to the outcome of lowering it, and subsequently ‘trying’ to get it lower. Continue to do what you have been doing. Simply observing, feeling and accepting. The emotion will continue to decrease, as your nervous system calms down, and the traumatic emotion is gradually released. Continue to do this until the emotion is a 1 or 0 out of 10.

6. Repeat with the same memory

Repeat the process by bringing back up the memory visualisation. See if there is any more of the triggered feeling left in the body. If so, do the process again and feel it. If not, see if there are any other feelings triggered. Feel them.

This letting go process can be done to systematically resolve traumatic memories over your life. Note: if doing this for the first time, it is important to be guided by one of VISIO’s Wellbeing practitioners. Our emotional regulation coaches  have had extensive practice and coaching experience with this specific technique. Go to the coaches area to find out more.

Breathwork

Breathwork involves consciously intervening in our breathing process. Some examples include:

• Diaphragmatic breathing: Also known as abdominal breathing or belly breathing. This focuses on using the diaphragm (a large muscle at the base of the lungs) correctly while breathing. A common way is to lay horizontally, place a hand on the belly, and ensure the hand is moving up and down while you breathe deeply from that space.
• Box breathing: Also called square breathing or 4×4 breathing. This involves a 4-step pattern where you inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, exhale for 4 seconds, and hold again for 4 seconds. This is repeated.
• Alternate nostril breathing: Known as ‘Nadi Shodhana’ in Sanskrit. This involves breathing through one nostril at a time, while holding the other closed.
• Sighing breath: A type of deep breath that begins with a normal inhale, followed by a second inhale before exhaling.

• Stress
• Anxiety
• Depression
• Scattered thoughts
• Traumatic memories and emotions
• Overthinking
• Attention problems

It is possible to over-breathe (hyperventilate). Symptoms include dizziness, tingling, and irregular heartbeat. Seek professional guidance if needed.

Immediate effects can be felt, especially if used while you are feeling stressed or triggered. Working with an emotional regulation coach for a month or more, with regular practise can have  elevate your mood and reduce anxiety.