Mental models: thoughts, perceptions and beliefs

We do not view the world how it is. We view the world how ‘WE’ are. Everything we see is filtered by our minds through a lens of our thoughts, perceptions and beliefs. To illustrate an example, let’s imagine two people watching the same football game. Person A supports Team A, Person B supports Team B. Now, what happens when Team A scores? Person A jumps for joy and punches the air and exclaims that ‘they KNEW they would score’. Person B sits there disappointed and scowls. What happened? Both people viewed the exact same event yet had two wildly different reactions. Both people have very different thoughts, perceptions and beliefs about each team and what it means to win and lose the game. The same event triggers both of them in different ways, and makes them think different thoughts and, more importantly, physically feel different emotions in their bodies.

Consider that this is happening with every single thing we view in life, on a subconscious level. It is why people argue, it is why politicians can’t see eye to eye, it is why there are wars in the world. Imagine a world where everybody knew that they were filtering information out, and were open to letting go of these perception and beliefs, and actually hearing the other person and communicating properly. The world would be a different place. This is why it is so important to become aware of what you are filtering out and realise that you can change it.

Stories

When an event happens, we very rarely see it objectively through a neutral lens. What normally happens, is that our minds create a subjective interpretation and create a story around it. For example, Jason gets bullied in his younger years and called ‘fat’. He cries every night and starts having thoughts such as “I am fat. I am different from everybody else. People don’t like me. I’m unlovable” etc. These thoughts are stories that he has created for himself.

As human beings, our minds are wired to create stories. Problems arise when we limit our actions and life based upon these stories; they are false perceptions of reality. In the previous example, Jason may avoid dating because he views himself as ‘unlovable and fat’. Even if he loses weight, he may still carry that story around with him. It could influence every single decision he makes. We can become stuck in these story narrative for our whole lives, being moulded and shaped by them. Stories limit what is possible in our lives.

Distorted thinking

Distorted thinking, also known as cognitive distortions, refers to biased thought patterns that can negatively impact our perception of ourselves, others, and the world. These irrational beliefs often become habitual and can have a negative impact on our mental wellbeing. The ten types of distorted thinking are:

• All-or-Nothing Thinking: Seeing things as black or white, with no middle ground. For example, believing that if you’re not perfect, you’re a complete failure.
• Overgeneralisation: Drawing broad conclusions based on limited evidence. For instance, if one job interview goes poorly, assuming you’ll never succeed in any interview.
• Mental Filtering: Focusing solely on negative aspects while ignoring positive ones. It’s like viewing the world through a negative filter.
• Discounting the Positive: Minimising or dismissing positive experiences, attributing them to luck or external factors.
• Catastrophising: Expecting the worst-case scenario in any situation. Catastrophisers often think, “What if everything goes wrong?”
• Mind Reading: Assuming you know what others are thinking or feeling without evidence. This can lead to unnecessary anxiety.
• Emotional Reasoning: Believing your emotions reflect objective reality. For example, feeling unworthy despite evidence to the contrary.
• Labelling and Mislabelling: Attaching negative labels to yourself or others based on specific events. For instance, calling yourself a “failure” after making a mistake.
• Personalisation: Taking responsibility for events beyond your control. Blaming yourself for things that aren’t your fault.
• Jumping to Conclusions: Making assumptions without sufficient evidence. This includes both mind reading and fortune-telling (predicting negative outcomes without evidence).

Fixed language

Fixed language is habitual language that we use in day-to-day life which, unbeknownst to us, has a drastic effect on how we perceive the world and, as a result, how we behave. Certain words, when we use them, cause us to ‘fix’ reality in a certain way; this is due to the nature of the rigidity of the word. Examples include:

• “Should”: “Should” implies an obligation or expectation. When we say, “I should do this,” we create an internal pressure to conform to a standard. “Should” statements often lead to guilt, self-criticism, and stress. They set rigid expectations, leaving little room for flexibility. You may feel overwhelmed or experience anxiety when you don’t meet these expectations.
• “Always” and “Never”: These absolute terms imply consistency, with no exceptions. When we say, “You always do this,” or “I never succeed,” we generalise based on limited evidence. “Always” and “never” statements create cognitive distortions, such as overgeneralisation. You may become rigid in your thinking, miss opportunities for growth, or strain relationships by assuming inflexible patterns.
• “Must” and “Have To”: These words convey necessity. When we say, “I must finish this project,” we emphasise external pressure. “Must” statements create stress and limit options. They imply a lack of choice. You may feel trapped, resist tasks, or experience burnout due to perceived obligations.
• “But”: When you say a sentence and then follow it with “but”, it automatically discredits the first part of the sentence in your own mind, and in the listeners mind. The last part of the sentence, which is often a negative statement, gets cemented in both yours and the listener’s mind.

Our language plays a huge role in how we perceive our world, ourselves and others. People are often stuck in certain behavioural patterns, simply due to their rigid belief in one of those ‘Fixed Language’ models.

Past/Future 

The past and the future. This is a big one. As humans, we can spend up to 50% of our waking hours thinking about something other than what we are doing. These thoughts will either be about the past or the future. For example, thinking about what we’re going to eat later that night for dinner, or being stressed about a presentation next week, or ruminating about an ex that broke your heart last year.

We spend so much of our time thinking, that we actually miss what’s going on in our lives around us. We become dulled to the vibrancy of life and become accustomed to living a life of fear and anxiety, based upon the thoughts in our minds. Worrying about the future and feeling depressed about the past become our new norm. We forget to see life for how it truly is, in this moment.

Stories

Stories can be separated from reality through us becoming aware that they are stories in the first place. We are unconsciously living our lives, oblivious of the fact that we have dozens of stories about ourselves.

We simply think that those thoughts are true. What if they weren’t? What if, in the previous example, Jason realised that when he was a child, yes – the bullies called him fat. But what if it didn’t have to mean anything? What if they were just insecure and immature? What if the bullies called him ‘fat’ in Mandarin? Would it have the same effect on Jason? Of course not, because his interpretation would have been totally different. His thought may have been “I don’t know what they are saying” instead of “I am unlovable”.

To separate story from reality, we recommend becoming impartial to the situation. To do this, you can draw two separate distinct circles on a sheet of paper. Write ‘Story’ on the left and ‘Reality’ on the right.

In the ‘Story’ circle, write out all the thoughts that you have about a situation. E.g. Jason’s would look like “I am fat. I am different from everybody else. People don’t like me. I’m unlovable” etc. Write as much as you can; treat it like your journal. Get it all out.

Then, in the ‘Reality’ circle, strip everything back; look at the event from a third party neutral perspective in your mind’s eye. Go back to absolute basics. Remove all the emotion and interpretation about what is going on, and look at the physical actions themselves. E.g. in Jason’s case it would be “the other child said the words ‘you are fat’ and scrunched up their faces and laughed”. Or, stripped back even further, it would be “vibrations came out of the other child’s mouth and their face changed shape”.

This dissociation and detachment from the interpretations can provide powerful shifts in your life, if applied correctly. E.g. In Jason’s case, he realised that he had been creating a story around his ‘fat’ identity and limiting his possibilities in the dating world. He realised that his life no longer had to be dictated by this false thought, and he saw the limitless potential in the dating world.

He gained more confidence in talking to women, as he was no longer viewing himself as ‘fat’ and ‘unlovable’ and realised that he was actually full of love and handsome. This new perception (aka story!) of himself became his new reality, and moulded everything he did. The old negative story was replaced by a far more empowering one.

Distorted thinking

The most effective way of changing distorted thinking is through identifying the inaccurate distorted thoughts and replacing them with more objective thoughts about reality. Some useful steps are:

• Identify the distorted thoughts: Write down or analyse one of your recurring negative thoughts. See which of the ten categories of distorted thinking it falls into (it will always fall into at least one!).
• Change roles: Imagine viewing the situation from a different perspective. How would someone else interpret it?
• Examine the evidence: Gather evidence that supports or disproves your thoughts. Be objective here. Look for conflicting evidence and opposing views.
• Avoid sweeping statements: Avoid generalisations (words like ‘always’ and ‘never’), speculations and self imposed limitations (words like ‘should’).

Fixed language

Being mindful of fixed language, and identifying when we are having these kinds of thoughts, is the first step to moving towards a more flexible worldview. Try playing around with your ‘Fixed Language’ models.

Whenever you catch yourself saying ‘should’ or ‘must’, try swapping it with ‘could’. Notice the immediate freedom and relaxation that comes with that subtle substitution. Try swapping  ‘always’ and ‘never’ with ‘sometimes’. Try swapping ‘but’ with ‘and’. This creates far more receptiveness for the listener, as suddenly they are going from the first statement being cancelled out by the ‘but’, to both statements being 100% possible. They then become open to the second statement. This also applies to your self-talk.

Past/Future

All of your thoughts about the past and future are imaginary. None of those scenarios are happening right now, in this moment. The past does not physically exist. We are simply replaying memories in our mind. The future also does not exist. We are simply anticipating it based upon past evidence that is stored in our minds. Both past and future are illusions. Almost every single thought you have is illusory. It can be difficult coming to terms with this, as most of us are so used to living inside of our heads; thinking all day. Who would we be if we didn’t do this? When you realise that the past and future do not exist, it frees you up to act from this moment. You can let go of past baggage and trauma and realise that the future is actually created from your actions right now. You can choose who you want to be and how you want to act. Creating a better future starts in this manner; letting go of the illusion and behaving how you really want to behave.

• Depression
• Anxiety
• Low self-esteem
• Low confidence
• Acting out our triggers in a way that we don’t like
• Feeling like you can’t influence your own life
• Phobias

• Freedom
• Experiencing the present moment
• Increased self-esteem
• Increased confidence
• Feeling empowered
• Responding to triggers differently

When becoming aware of your stories, it is possible to not create a new story at all. You can simply become aware of the fact that the old story is simply that; a story, a false illusion. This will return you to the present moment and you will be free of the story. However, often, we lose sight of this truth and we return to the old story, because it is familiar. We can become trapped in these cycles for years. That is why it can be powerful to create a new story.

When changing mental models, it is important to focus on changing thought patterns to positive ones. Whilst rare, it is possible to create further negative thought patterns if you consciously reinforce them. Changing thought patterns can be incredibly difficult. What can happen is that, when you try and replace an old engrained thought with a new positive one, the old thought may come back stronger. This is entirely normal, as our minds are resistant to change and fear uncertainty, so they would rather stick to an old outdated mental model, than experience a new more uplifting one. It can become disheartening to continue to try and replace every single negative thought pattern that you have; it can be exhausting. If you are finding that it doesn’t seem to be working, consult a licensed therapist or try a different method. If nothing is working on a thought level, then check in with your emotional and spiritual wellbeing; as changes are often easier and occur on a deeper level there. 

This widely varies on the individual and the type of mental model change you are experiencing. Sometimes a thought pattern can change in a second, if you have a deep realisation. Sometimes it can take repeated effort over many months to change an old story or negative world view.